Moods, mother-in-laws and multiple relatives

Take it from us mate, being a dad isn’t easy. Not only do you have to cope with the arrival in the household of a 7lb tot who takes centre stage and commands all attention but us poor dads will have to deal with moody mums, fussing mother-in-laws and a troupe of relatives and friends you’ve never heard of stomping through the house all excited wanting to coo and cuddle with the little guy.

Expect your mother-in-law to be actively involved

There’s no way round it, you’re going to have to take a back seat, hold your tongue and put up with it all. If you’re lucky you might even get a look in and chance to hold your own son in the first few weeks. Don’t take it personally, it’s all part of the excitement and soon you’ll settle down into a routine of responsibilities when the novelty has worn off, the mother-in-law has gone home and your input is truly appreciated by your exhausted partner.

Anticipating the storm

For starters, your poor partner is going to be exhausted, short on sleep and understandably moody and scratchy, taking her new responsibility seriously and perhaps imagining you’re not doing your bit. She’ll expect you to help out whenever she needs help without letting you actually get stuck into being the parent. Of course this all depends on the personality of your partner but she’ll almost certainly change for a few months and it’s pointless getting all wound up about, just be patient and look at it in the context of the important situation at hand.

Anticipating this and chatting about it beforehand with her is a good idea, remaining conscious of the fact that’s she’s done most the hard work in carry the little tot around for nine months. The onus will probably be on you to take the lead in being understanding and tolerant. Some dads complain that their wives become monsters for a few months and are always arguing over petty responsibilities, other report few problems, it all depends on your usual arrangement for taking care of the washing, cooking, cleaning and other chores you used to share, or have had to suddenly swap. Face up to it, unless you have outside help, your routine is going to get a lot busier as you take on most of the domestic tasks.

When the first born arrives, especially if it is the first of the next generation, the grandmothers and grandfathers will rightly be chuffed and wanting to play a leading role in the parenting. With all the sleepless nights and stress of responsibilities tempers flare and relationships can be frayed or damaged, with your partner often taking the wrong side. Be patient and let the first few weeks pass. If anything, it might be a good excuse to leave them to it and escape to the pub to share the experience with your mates.

Enter granny

When the baby arrives, many women rely on their mothers to come and lend a hand and advice and your mother-in-law is going to prove to be very handy as a baby sitter and relief cover when you’ve had enough and need some privacy to rekindle your relationship. Give the old the dragon a break, she means well and certainly has far more experience than the two of you. She’s also sacrificing her own time to chip in with help.

Of course your own partner might get a bit fed up if her mother is dominating the parenting and being overbearing with directives, this all depends on their usual relationship and personalities and it might call for some diplomatic footwork and support from you. Remember, it’s all exasperated by the stress of learning to be parents (and for your mother-in-law who hasn’t had to care for a child in more than 20 years, during which time technology and methods have changed considerably).

The arrival of a new baby is exciting for all and many well meaning friends of your partner and relatives will show up to marvel at the cutesy pie and wish they had one of their own or offer their own personal advice in parenting. It’s a girl’s thing, you understand, and you’ll do best to leave them to it and use the break to catch some footie on the telly or get on with your usual chores and interests.

Sooner or later they will all go home and you’ll be left to carry on with the routine. If your mother-in-law comes to stay for awhile, remind yourself how useful she can be, even if it is a strain having your privacy compromised by having her there full time. She may disapprove of the way you run the household and fuss over things, or she might be an angel and clean everything up.

Back to romance
Getting the old girl back in shape
The pregnancy