Back to romance

Try to arrange some time alone to rekindle romance

Now that the baby has arrived you’ll soon discover that things just aren’t the same anymore between you and your partner. All of a sudden there is a third member of the family that demands a lot of work and becomes the centre attention. You can’t help feeling a little neglected and might start wondering what happened to the good old days together.

Raising a family is an important responsibility which your partner will certainly expect the man of the house to step up to. Suddenly you have kids to worry about and can’t stagger home late from pub, hoping she’ll forgive you for being one of lads. Typically the mother takes up the majority of the responsibilities and tasks of raising little ones and you’ll find yourself feeling guilty for pursuing your usual routine of golf on Saturdays and a few drinks with your office mates after work.

Getting back to romance will need patience and understanding, as well as some planning to create proper free-time together alone. For the first few months after the birth, you’ll suffer lack of sleep, stress and a whole new routine which will no doubt place a severe strain on your relationship, which you might not have seen coming.

Being a family together enhances your appreciation for each other

Don’t let it destroy the marriage. It might leave you wondering if this was the right thing to do, or you may regret the loss of freedom, but this is something we all give up a little to become parents. The joy you’ll get from your little ones far outweighs the low points. Quite a few couples split up within a year of having a baby because the change in the relationship is simply too much for either to cope with. This results in a profound deficiency in the child’s upbringing which is a real shame.

Moods

For starters, be prepared in advance for a moody partner. Your mates who are fathers will no doubt warn you. Some couples may not experience this much if one or both of you are naturally easy going. Or if the environment for raising the baby isn’t pressured, or both of you are good at taking such challenges in your stride with a bit of emotional maturity. On the other hand some mothers suffer post-natal depression which might be difficult for you to understand and hell for her. Usually it passes within four to six months but can very difficult to cope with while caring for a newborn and you may have to step in with many duties.

Either way it’s only the first three to four months that are really challenging and when you’ll scarcely have time to spend with each other. But it’s important to find time alone together as a chance to remind yourselves why you got together in the first place. Try arranging trusted baby-sitters, such as mother-in-laws or siblings, so that you can sneak away for an evening together. If she is breast feeding she may not want to go out boozing and partying so you’ll need to be creative with sedate romantic activities such as movies, dinners and walks in the park.

Back to sex

Expect more than a month to pass before you can resume sex and even then it will have to be a delicate effort, as she may still be in pain, especially after a caesarean. Don’t be hurt if she’s not as turned on as before, or excited, after all the motherly instinct of baby caring is foremost on her mind. You may even feel the same way too, but it’s important to make a go at having a ‘little nookie’ once a week, even when you’re exhausted and would rather watch the telly and fall asleep. Remember, your whole sex life in the relationship is at risk of fading after a child arrives.

Of course, you’ll have to plan your time together around the baby’s sleep and a romp in bed might easily awaken the little one and ruin it all. But there is much more to the relationship than sexual fulfilment and you’ll do well to appreciate the finer parts of your relationship by showing her lots of attention and enjoying your new baby together. As the baby grows and is easier to care for, you can begin planning family orientated activities and outings which make the whole parenting experience worthwhile and rekindles your appreciation for each other.

It gets easier as time passes, and you’ll soon forget the strained moments of early fatherhood. Make the most of the moments when you are not stressed and scratchy. And remember not to linger on the fallouts you might have from time to time.

Moods and mother in laws
Getting the old girl back in shape
The cost of kids